Career Statistical Update

Hello friends.

Sorry I didn't get this done over the weekend, but familial duty calls. Anyway, here's your updated career statistics, sorted by at-bats. The On-Base, Slugging and OPS stats may be a little wonky because I don't have career sac-fly numbers. But, I think there's enough at-bats to make the differences insignificant.

Enjoy...and I couldn't include everyone's career stats (they wouldn't fit), but if you have an itch that only knowing Mr. Moore's statistical output can scratch, let me know.

Stats:



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Rambone Title Defense Game IV - Sweet to Repeat

Our final game of the 2008 season was nearly a perfect microcosm of the season. Started slow, scratched and battled our way back, and in the end came up with enough clutch hitting and solid defense to prevail.

A second title in as many seasons certainly wasn't a foregone conclusion, with the title tilt coming against the high-scoring JT Rockets, a team that had pretty much mowed every opponent down with a high-powered offensive attack. Early in the season we had split with the Rockets in one doubleheader and been swept in another. Round 2 of the playoffs brought a slaughter for the mighty Bone, but we were rightfully wary of a letdown. A serene confidence enveloped the Rambone squad before the game; not cocky, but certain in our abilities.

Then we fell behind 11-4 after three innings.

Then 12-5 after four.

But with a steely reserve seen only in the bravest of warriors (we're talking those insane Greeks in that 300 movie), the Boners merely gritted their teeth, knuckled down, and went to work. Although the Green and Yellow had produced some prodigious innings in recent games, the bread and butter of our heroes was a slow and steady pace emphasizing getting runners on base and advancing them a step at a time. Each inning Rambone chipped into the lead at the plate, while holding steady in the field. It wasn't our best defensive effort, but we were able to hold strong when it mattered, limiting damage.

Having regained the lead after the top of the 7th, the mission became to record three outs before the Rockets could score three runs. The scarlet-clad enemy was able to tally a single run, but with a soft liner to shortstop, the game was ended and a champion was crowned.

It was Rambone. Again.

This season was difficult at times. Motivation wavered throughout, and it was a struggle to establish any sort of offensive consistency. But, like the veteran and playoff-tested squad we were, when the games truly mattered, we came through. I'm reminded of the 2006 World Champion St. Louis Cardinals who had a difficult regular season but were able to put it together at the right time to hoist the trophy at the end.

So, what's next for the Rambone squad? There's been talk of playing fall ball, but nothing's set in stone. Next year will probably require a jump to the Competitive League after two straight Rec League championships. That will be a definite challenge, and one for another captain. The time and effort required to be "in charge" of Rambone is a luxury I will no longer have next summer, so the torch must be passed.

Special thanks to:

- Bri for keeping accurate and legible stats

- DJ for risking life and limb to fulfill the requirement that every team field a pitcher

- Chad for being my go-to guy when we needed players to fill in

- Said fill-in players, especially Jeremy

- Our loyal and ravenous fans: Mrs. J, the lovely and rapidly-expanding Marie, Darcy, Pete, Nice Guy Eddie and Kristin(en), the Sharlows, the Lipsetts, Esteemed Rambone Alumni Dave, whatever parolees Murda dragged to the game, and those I'm forgetting. You make Rambone all Rambone-y.

Great job guys. It was a blast. And a circus.

Final 2008 stats (career stats will be updated this weekend):



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Rambone Title Defense - Game III

Game 3 was, in a lot of ways, classic Rambone. Well, Rambone circa 2007, at least. Last year, the foundation of our title run was solid pitching, steady defense, and timely hitting. To this point, the March to the Ridiculous Trophy II (c) has been based on knocking the crap out of the ball and beating foes into submission. Thursday's semifinal victory featured more of the former than the latter, but the result was the same.

Interesting facts about Rambone's 5-4 win:

1) Only 9 hits were recorded.

2) 5 of the 9 hits were for extra bases, including 3 triples

3) We hit into 4 fielder's choices

4) 8 of our 21 outs involved the Shelter shortstop, who was a pretty slick fielder.

It was by far our tightest game of the playoffs, and maybe the season. Leading by the slimmest of margins going into the bottom of the 7th and having the first two Shelter batters reach base was not ideal, but we managed to wriggle out of the jam without allowing a run to clinch a spot in the Recreational Division Championship Game.

We have two chances to win one against the JT Rockets. We barraged them pretty good last time, and frankly, we embarassed them in front of their significant others, parents, and children. They're going to be ready to play. So will we.

Let's go get that embarassingly huge trophy, gents.

2nd-to-last stat update:



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Rambone Title Defense - Game II

Entering Game II of the March to Glory, there was probably a general feeling that one of three things would happen to Rambone:

1) Get blown out

2) Keep it close, but fall in the end

3) Keep it close, and steal one in the end

What actually happened:

4) We smoked the crud out of them

The JT Rockets pretty much wailed on everyone this year, scoring a ton of runs and making it look easy. And, after three innings, a 6-3 deficit seemed much larger than a mere three tallies. The Rockets would not cross the plate again, thanks to some fine pitching and defense. But what, you ask, of the deficit? Well, as we've been wont to do lately, we strung together a few innings of continuous hitting to pile up runs. It didn't feel like we won 18-6, but we did. Solid victory all around, gents.

Our destiny is now in our hands. We have home field as long as we keep winning. We have a tough test in our next game (7:30 at Memorial), playing Shelter Insurance, a team we have yet to beat. But, as some of us discussed following last night's contest, the Rambone that faced Shelter before is not the Rambone facing Shelter tomorrow.

Stats (did the best I could through the Taco Bell stains BRI):



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Rambone Title Defense - Game I

After last week's impressive offensive display, it was impossible to expect us to be able to hit with the same success, right? Well, as we began our march to our second ridiculously-enormous trophy, we actually were just as successful, just not as spectacular.

We hit like the Rambone of old: less reliant on the dinger (although dingers are admittedly sweeter), more reliant on hit placement, speed, and timing. In a discussion held over adult beverages the other night, we determined that we had actually finally hit our stride. Lack of practice at the beginning of the year, scheduling quirks and rainouts, lack of managerial skill (YEAH RIGHT) all were bandied about as excuses for our early-season struggles, but we seem to have hit our stride at the right time. 15-4 in 4 1/2 innings was the result.

Game II will be a challenge, against the JT Rockets (dudes who can crank it, and CRANK IT). As long as we can hit it where they ain't, play solid defense, and try to keep the ball in the ballpark, we have a good chance.

Stats update:



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Games 26, 27, & 28 - Thrweep

Or, the Sharlow Show. The Shlow. Yeah.

Apology accepted, Andy. I think everyone remembers your rapid stat-posting abilities from last year...well, the three times you actually did it. Nice job forwarding the playoff schedule, by the by. Life-changing events be damned. The Meyers three (plus father, or "the guy who paid for everything") survived their voyage down the Mighty Meramec relatively unscathed, with only horrendous sunburns, scorched retinas from hillbilly ladies in "bikinis", and a water-logged camera considered casualties.

Anywho, the softball. Yeah, so we can hit. Game 1 of the evening was actually the second half of the Monsoon-out from the previous week, and Chairman Jeff Tse-Tung of the People's Republic of the Batavia Park District elected to begin the game from inning one, as opposed to continuing where we left off the previous Thursday. As the Awayboys (MTV Rock & Jock Softball shoutout), we began the game at the plate. 11 runs later, we held an insurmountable lead. Take note of the double-digit inning...we'll be seeing this again. As the game progressed, we went into our usual funk for a couple innings, allowing the opposition to hang around and believe they were actually in the game. Like a 10 year old who found his dad's Swank stash, we were just messing with ourselves...eventually we put the game away in slaughter fashion.

Games 2 and 3 of the night...there aren't words. Well there are, and here they come. Some Ramboners will remember when teams used to just kill the crap out of us with 30 minute innings and dingers galore. We would've easily beaten those teams Thursday night. It was a hitgasm. A dingerpalooza. A runsplosion. We hit until we got tired of holding the bats and running the bases, at which point we would take the field for a couple minutes, record three outs, then go back to hitting and running again. We hit a ton of dingers in the two games, and I can think of at least 4 more warning-track shots. Sharlow hit 4. J Po hit 2. Mike legged out an inside-the-parker. Butts hit a triple. We looked like one of those features they show on that softball program on Comcast of the fat dudes with bad goattees hitting softballs out of major league stadiums. Best offensive output in the distinguised history of Rambone, no question.

But, that was Thursday. The playoffs are now upon us, and it's time to focus. We ended the regular season well, winning our last four to finish at 16-12. Not spectacular, not horrible. But, we may be hitting our stride at the perfect time. Game 1 of the march to the repeat is at Memorial (yay) at either 7:25 or 8:15, depending on what Duncan Excavating does tomorrow night. If they get swept, we get the 3 seed and play early. If they win a game, we get the 4 and play at 8:15. The way the tournament is set up, if we keep winning, we keep getting to play at Memorial. The downside is we have to the play the Rockets game 2 if we end up with the 4 seed and win our first game...at Memorial. It might be a Josh Hamilton-type display if that happens. Time to defend that comically enormous trophy that resides under a foot of dust in Roper's living room.

Stat update:



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Apologies All Around

I am hearby apologizing for Dain for not updating stats after our amazing "Triple Sweep". He was busy paddling down the Mighty Missippi this weekend in a hollowed out log getting bitten by "skeeters." Stats, I'm sure, will be updated as soon as the Malaria clears up.


Also, go see The Dark Knight.

Games 25 & SWEET JUDAS IT'S ARMAGEDDON

I'm sitting outside enjoying a mild summer evening with a beer and a dog who's PENNY GET OUT OF THE DAMN PLANTS. Ahem. As I was saying, it's a beautiful July evening as I sit and type this. I mention the weather as it is in stark contrast to Thursday night's conditions, which were less than favorable. It rained all afternoon, and there was significant doubt that we'd be able to play our games. However, Der Fuhrer Clarkenhoffer is beginning to run out of days in the summer, and it seems he's making every effort to cram in softball, no matter what Mother Nature's cruel whims dictate. I got notification from fellow Ramboner Andy that we would play as I careened down Army Trail Road in Wayne unable to see more than 3 feet in front of my face due to a torrential downpour that Noah himself would cringe at. I couldn't believe it until I pulled into the Memorial Memorial (it's a memorial to memorials, stupid) Field and saw the sole bag of Diamond Dry in the Batavia Park District's fiefdom being spread around the bases and the plate. Game, it would seem, on.

So, we played. We played dang well, too. Slick fielding, timely hitting, smart pitching, and an opponent's futile attempt to execute a swinging bunt (HUGEMONGOUS softball no-no) led to an easy Rambone win. Exuding confidence and machismo, we prepared for Game the Second.

Then, like a jungle cat of some sort toying with it's doomed prey, dat stank ho Momz Nizaterulah decided to show us what's what. Thanks to the keen meterological insight of Rambone's own DJ - "It looks nasty to the north...I've been watching it for like 20 minutes" - we knew our time was short. Having somehow fallen behind 4-1 in the top of the 3rd (details are sketchy...I'm pretty sure it involved a double-steal and a hidden ball trick), we began massing our armies on the bases, poised to take a lead before hellfire and brimstone rained upon us. Sadly, it was not to be...the ump wisely insisted we "get the hell out of here". 10 minutes later, a field abandoned for the night, the torrential rains indeed began.

To summarize, we won the first game, and TBD'd the second.

SCHEDULE UPDATE: Intrepid Ramboner (and newly single...get in line, ladies!!) Butts has alerted me to the following newsflash: three games on Thursday. Game 1 will get underway around 7:45 or so at Memorial. This is good news...originally we were scheduled to play at West Main that night. This will be our final tune up before the playoffs begin the next week, so let's look sharp, men.

Also, I would like to hearby bestow a medal of freedom or a silver cross or something to Stat Vixen Bri, who fought through 4 gaping, wisdom-toothless holes in her talkhole to track the stats you see below. Way to look like a chipmunk, Bri!!

Statistical Update (Game 2's stats are included because Ramboner Mike asked nicely that they be. See what happens when you ask nicely? HEAR THAT MARIE???):



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Games 23 & 24 - "The Wrong Side of the Tracks"

Mike put it best, I think, by referring to the other team as looking like they spent the entire game muttering under their collective breath about how "preppy" and "privileged" and "hoity-toity" we seemed. In short, they were a group of dirtbags, but a group of dirtbags that managed to hold us in check enough to beat us in Game 1. Once again, we just didn't score enough. We managed to battle hard enough to take a brief lead heading to the bottom of the 7th, but couldn't hold on for the win.

Game 2 was pretty much the same, although we were able to keep the greaseballs' scoring to a minimum. The defense was pretty good, actually, and we took advantage of what limited offense we had.

Not really too much to report in either game. We looked sluggish, maybe feeling the effects of our 3rd double-header in a week, probably feeling the effects of a long Saturday evening the night prior. The weather was cool, with wind blowing in, so the Dinger-palooza that was Thursday's doubleheader was called off. We'll take the split, although a sweep would've moved us closer to 3rd place. Sunday's result was a microcosm of the season, in many ways...just good enough when we win, not quite there when we lose. Kinda meh all around.

Stats below (don't forget the asterisk-explanation link):



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Games 21 & 22 - DraaaaMAAAA

Classic Rambone action Thursday night against a familiar foe, this time with a little added spice.

Game 1 was your typical back and forth contest. They score a couple, we score a couple, etc. Thanks to some solid defense, good hustle on the basepaths, timely hitting, and an excellent performance on short notice by Chad on the mound, we managed to fritter a 5-run 7th-inning lead down to one before shutting the door for a victory by the slimmest of margins.

Carrying the momentum of Game 1's narrow victory into Game 2, we plated 11 runs in the first two innings, nearly batting around twice. However, it just wouldn't be 2008 Rambone if we didn't let the Bad Guys back in, eventually falling behind by 2 heading after 5 1/2. Chad plated a lone run in the bottom of the 6th with a dinger, and after holding our foes scoreless in the top of the 7th, we headed to the bottom of the 7th trailing by run. After a flyout, Butts worked a walk to put the tying run on first. Other Jeremy flew out to left, and suddenly there were two outs with a lone baserunner on first. Mike poked a double to put runners on 2nd and 3rd...the winning run in scoring position. Kohl stepped up, and with a 2-2 count (nice job on the balls and strikes, Bri), grounded a seeing-eye single up the middle to score the tying run. The lead run, Mike, followed close behind with a head full of steam, determined to send the 'Boneroos home happy. The throw to the plate was off line, and Rambone won a thriller, again by one.

Not to be lost in all the drama were a couple blown calls, five Rambone dingers (including two in-the-parkers and one particularly majestic tape-measure shot from Sharlow), and the opponents being complete pansies by refusing to actually, you know, play the game. Well done, Rambone...well done.

Quick scheduling update: The date of our final contest has finally been revealed by the United Batavia Park District Socialist Republic, led with an iron fist by Premier Clark. Tuesday July 15, 6:30, West Main (dammit). The playoffs have been tentatively scheduled to begin Thursday July 17, but that will all likely depend on rain and the length of toilet paper lines in the Mother Land (no idea what that means).

Stats (for an explanation of the asterisk, please visit this link):



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Games 19 & 20 - Aw, COME ON

So, back to the crap. I'm going to go ahead and blame the field. Yeah...that sounds right. Telling statistic: Out of 13 possible innings where Rambone batted, we only scored in 6. For whatever reason, we just aren't scoring enough, or at the right times. I remember last year, we didn't score a bunch, either, but we were in a lot of low-scoring games.

Well, anyway, this isn't a time for soul-searching. We're fine. Getting late in the season, so if we're going to make a playoff push, now's the time to start.

Stats (yeah, not sorted by anything because it's a big pain in the ass to reformat the colors):



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Games 17 and 18 - Must be Butter

Another sweep. Those Country Insurancers had no chance against the Heroes of Rambone, dropping a pair (or, a deuce, perhaps) with results of 11-0 and 17-1 in favor of the green and yellow. We hit, fielded, pitched, and grabbed ass better than we have all year. Game 1 you could say we sort of slow-played the slaughter, scoring a few runs here and there until adding to the total. Although we went the regulation 7 innings, the game was never in doubt. Game 2 was your standard brutalization, requiring but 4 innings to amass the required 15-run margin to send everyone home early.

Special Mention/Game Balls:

DJ - Tossing a shutout in slow-pitch softball is pretty ridiculous (especially in a full 7-inning contest), and nearly having two is unheard of. Minus a tape-measure dinger, DJ nearly accomplished the feat. He pitched out of jams, struck a dude out with a pimp changeup, and directed the defense with his usual verve. Bravo, good sir.

Mike - We all know the dude can motor, but he flashed some good leather and nailed two guys at the plate to boot while fielding somewhat unfamiliar positions.

Andy - For surviving two 1st-to-home sprints in back-to-back innings. The wide open spaces of West Main will provide ample opportunity for more.

Butts - Completely unrelated to Thursday's games, that was quite a performance at Evan's apartment last night (Sunday, 6/21 for posterity's sake). Kudos on making it to the sink. You are a loud puker, my friend.

Big stretch coming up in the next week and a half or so. Games Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday, and Tuesday, with this week's against division foes we are chasing in the standings. We're back to .500, which is good, and although we may not be able to advance much in the rankings, it's important to put on some impressive showings to serve notice to the rest of the league that Rambone can turn it on when it counts.

Updated statistical totals, now ranked by at-bats for easier browsing:



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Games 15 & 16 - YAY

So, we finally did it: Win consecutive games against one team in the same night. Granted, the opponent was pretty weak, but we'll take it.

The conditions were bizarre, with a stiff wind blowing in from the right field corner across the field. It was virtually impossible to hit the ball with any authority to right, and sometimes the ball carried out to left, but other times not. So, to counter a weak opponent with roughly one guy that could get the ball TO the leftfielder, DJ came up with the brilliant idea to play 5 infielders, which our opponents failed to penetrate (heh) with any authority. The defense and pitching was solid. Offensively, we did the best we could in game 1 considering the wind and the guy on the mound for the other team. Took walks, station-to-station, etc. Game 2, we were less patient, but more relaxed, if that makes sense. We obviously had our foot off the gas and coasted to a kind-of-close-but-not-really-win.

Yay sweep. I'd say this would generate momentum, but in the infinite wisdom possessed by the hegemony of the Batavia Park District, we have to wait a week. But, it'll be back to Memorial Field and more desirable conditions, hopefully.

Stat-a-tat-tat wit my gat:



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Games 13 & 14: Buh

No comment.

I need an update, STAT (get it?):



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And, for funsies, here's what we looked like at approximately the same point two years ago (heh, remember Rosko? Me neither):



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Games Whatever & Who Cares: HAY GUESS WAHT

Durrrrr...a split....durrrr.

Seriously...those guys sucked.

Oh well...we're just not swinging the bats, I guess. At least, not all at the same time. Once we get into a consistent cycle of games (come on, weather), we'll get there.

The good news: Scotty got his power stroke, Mike played a nice shortstop, DJ made an acrobatic grab without destroying what remains of his knee.

The bad news: HIT THE EFFING BALL.

Stats, stats, statsaroo:



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Stuff Update

So, we're rained out tonight. Not surprised...the fields are probably swamps.

We'll be making these games up a week from Thursday (June 12), 6:30 at West Main. They love dumping us out in that...dump.

Also, it's been made clear that the majority of the team is not going to be here July 3rd for our games that night. I've e-mailed Darth Jeff asking to reschedule, and basically his response was "Tough toenails, you should've anticipated the travel plans of every member of your softball team in March when I was putting together the schedule." Basically, he thinks we're going to have to take a forfeit. So, I replied that he was full of crap and who the hell does the Batavia Park District think it is? They should be so lucky to have the glory of Rambone grace their fields for 28 games (plus playoffs) every summer. I also encouraged him to check (hisself and also) with the other team's manager to see if he was in the same situation we are (a guess: YES). Anyways, I'll keep you posted.

Games 7 and 8. More of the Same. Again.

So once again, Rambone managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The team that we played tonight was basically comprised of 15 twelve year-olds. Only once did a ball go over the outfield's head, and that was only because the ball was misplayed. But the main reason we lost the first game is because we didn't hit. We stranded more people than LOST. Big shocker, I know. Other than that small glitch, we played a good game, especially since we were missing the entire Meyer clan. Apparently going to a "Cardinals" game, with their "father" was more important than the greatest show on dirt.

The second game, however, was exactly what we love about Rambone. We jumped out to a quick 9-0 lead, and just built on it from there. Everybody hit, perhaps none more than Roper who was 3 for 3 with 3 RBI's in the game. Rambone sorely needs his Black Power, and intimidation factor. Especially when the foul ball he attempts to catch glances off his mitt and clangs off his face. Top notch. Finishing off the game in the 4th inning was a plus.

Next game Tuesday if the weather holds (which it isn't). Be there.

Our newest player.

We should totally look into trading for Dimitri Young. He embodies all that Rambone stands for: Big Errors, followed by Clutch Hits, followed by an Oxygen Tank. He's like a black Me.

Games 5 & 6 - Score (This guy knows what I'm talking about...)

If we have learned anything from the first six games of the season, it's that we can hit. Like, a lot. After combining for 31 runs in games 3 and 4, Rambone stayed hot with the sticks to the tune of 36 plate-crossings in 5 and 6. Results, though, are the key, and the 'Bone earned a hard-fought, hotly-contested split. In fact, a sweep was nearly a reality, save for a slick patch in left field that caused our outfielder patrolling the area to lose his balance and barely miss a flyball that would have ended the contest in Rambone's favor. We'll decline to mention that as said flyball was mere feet above said outfielder, the eldest (like, by far) statesman on the team made known his desire for the result of the play by giving the kind of sage advice only the savviest of veterans can: "CATCH IT!!!!!". The leftfielder must've have been shocked that "CATCH IT" was an option he had in the scenario of a flyball (or any ball, for that matter) hit in his direction, and that shock no doubt caused him to wet himself and the surrounding area 'neath his feet, causing the slip and subsequent flyball miss referenced above. But, this potentially disheartening turn of events was soon forgotten, as Rambone was able to hang on in the second game of the twi-night doubleheader for victory.

A split against JT Rockets is nothing to sneeze at, especially since we really should have won both games. The sticks have really come around...it's almost a shame that there's a full week before our next contest.

Stats are clickable beneath this sentence:

Games 3 & 4 - Splitsville

Games 3 and 4 were the reason why we Ramboners Rambone. A wounded veteran bravely risking the remainder of a knee joint for the love of the game. A first baseman (joined by his left-fielding cohort) arriving roughly 30 seconds before first pitch having forgotten his glove due to excessive celebration over a Chicago Bulls lottery victory, then recovering to make a sparkling stab in the field to preserve a 15-run lead. Alleged "replacement" players playing like anything but, as if they'd really been Ramboning their entire lives without really realizing it. A right-centerfielder wisely ignoring his third base coach's pleas to hold at third, when plating that all-important 4th run was all he desired. A left-centerfielder nearly blowing out his knee attempting to slide into a triple. A rightfielder who COMPLETELY biffed a popfly, leading to a good natured "business-giving" on the bench. Yes...it truly was a Rambone night.


Game 3 started slowly for the Rambone 11, with only 2 runs coming across for the BabyShit Green and Urine Yellow in inning 1. Inning 2, however, featured all 11 men taking their cuts at the dish, with 7 of those lucky fellows reaching the promised land. From there, the valiant heroes refused to look back, eventually tallying 22 scores to the opposition's 7.

Then in Game 4 we did what we always did and refused to score, falling 18-9.

Good effort in a winning cause despite less than ideal conditions, boys.

Click below for your stat updates (now fortified with team totals!)



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Games 1 and 2 (for real) - Seen This Before

So, games 1 & 2 had a familiar feel...unfortunately not a good one. The performances reminded of Rambone Years 1 & 2 (and last fall, which we all denied ever happened)...not enough offense, defense that wasn't horrible but not spectacular, an opponent who seemed to be able to drop hits exactly where we weren't, baserunning mistakes, etc.

I could be that guy that says, "NO EXCUSES, WE JUST WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH DAMMIT." But, this is 2008 and I'm blogging, so excuses are what it's all about. Here's a few off the top of my head:

1. Post-Title Hangover

Yeah, it may be tough to get motivated this season.

2. Rust

Some of us have been playing, most of us not. Mother Nature wreaked havoc on our preseason practice schedule...I know in the infield, all of us were taking our first ground balls of the season. And it showed.

3. Injury

DJ's got a bum knee that limits him to swinging a bat and pitching, and little else. JPo took a hard shot off the upper leg that bruised and swelled immediately. Somebody had to pull something.

4. Butts Forgot the Trophy

Dumbass.

So, losing 16-5 and 12-2 wasn't very fun. Hangin' out with yer chums and gettin' back on the ol' ball diamond was. The results weren't what we wanted, but it was good to get back out there. Spittin' seeds, smokin' smokes, and grabbin' ass.

Stat update (Click and it'll get bigger):

Games 1 and 2...

...have been "rained" out. If by "rain" you mean "wind". Yes, it's "winding" cats and dogs out there as I gaze upon a lovely sunset and faintly hear the public address of the Kane County Cougars while Len Kasper and Bob Brenly discuss Jason Marquis' shortcomings. Naturally, everyone on Earth gets to play but the unfortunate Batavia Rec Division softball squads fated to clash in Rambone season-opening action.

Naturally, the game would've started with Chad (we won the toss and elected to hit) poking a double in his debut as a leadoff hitter (Murda is currently on a plane to jolly ol' England). DJ would've followed with a screamer nearly beheading the unlucky 3rd base coach that was roughly 300 feet foul, after which he'd ground one just out of reach of a diving shortstop to pick up a quick RBI and a 1-0 Rambone lead. Eschewing a courtesy runner ("shut up, pinhead, I can run"), DJ will nearly be caught on the bases as Scotty ropes what should've been a triple into the gap in left field to put two men in scoring position for Sharlow. Sharlow deposits the first pitch he sees somewhere in the corn field beyond the left field fence (we dispatch Pete to find what's left of the ball, never to hear from him again) and just like that, 4-0 in favor of the 'Bone. I'd step up to the plate, handsome, fearless, and evidently virile and quickly ground out to the 2nd baseman for out number one. Butts would drop a little ducksnort just beyond the first sacker's reach to start the rally again. Special guest star and Original Rambone Member Tom would beat out a slow roller to the third baseman, putting men on 1st and 2nd for the freshly-engaged Evan, who would prove his worth to his fiancee by legging out 2-RBI double to give Rambone a 6-0 lead (too bad said fiancee would miss it all as she was busy reading "101 Wedding Don'ts!!!" in "Drunk & Weird Brides Today"). Butts' teacher buddy would move Evan to third with a wisely strategic grounder to the second baseman, putting Evan on 3rd with two out. Roper would be intentionally walked, because everyone's afraid of Roper for some reason. With men on 1st and 3rd and two out, Mike would ground back to the pitcher, but be called out for passing both Roper and Evan on the basepaths attempting to complete the first inside-the-infield-inside-the-park home run. So, after 1/2 inning, Rambone 6 - Queerbaits 0.

Repeat until slaughter rule scoring limit is achieved. Repeat for game 2. Grabass throughout the land.

So, opening night is now Thursday, May 15 at 7:00 at the launching pad. Unless the grass is too green or the dirt is too dry and they are forced to postpone yet again. You can't hide from Rambone forever, Batavia Park District Softball Recreational Division.

Win one for the ripper (of farts).

Sorry, but fart jokes are definitely in style down here in the OKC.

Best of luck to you bloody wankers who actually get to play softball tomorrow night. If it doesn't rain (and I am praying to Jeebus that it does), make sure you all kick some ass Rambone-Style. Here is my projected opening day lineup.


1. K-Murda (3b)
2. Scotty (2b)
3. DJ (pitching and zingers)
4. Sharlow (LCF and dingers)
5. Dain (ss)
6. AJ (1b, via satellite)
7. Jpo (RF, Shit Talk)
8. Butters (RCF)
9. Evan (LF, Baconators)
10. Mike (C, 1b, RF, RCF, Voodoo Priest)
11. Roper (C, Grand Theft Auto)
12. Penny (poop)
13. Pete Bloome (more poop)

RAMBONE!

DJ's Wisdom Nugget: I

"Hey, let me see your permission slip to be out tonight."

Spread the word. Rambone is Pro-Rain.

I have done my best to spread the word that Dain created this-here site to update everyone on the comings and goings of team Rambone. That being said, there are still some folks out there who are just plain unaware of the beauty of the Maize and Jungle Green. I'm thinking mostly here of Sharlow and Pete Forigen. If any of you happen across either of these two (I'm assuming you can find Sharlow at the local GNC, or perhaps on the HGH chatroom @ Yahoo.com) let them know, or have them contact Dain or myself so we can find out how many days of rain to pray for at the beginning of the season. Also, report all Gomez sightings, simply because they are becoming more and more like UFOs: Probably real, but not much evidence supporting them.

2008 Schedule

Here's the schedule. Thoroughly stretch, properly hydrate, and sufficiently pump yourself up before reading. Also before playing in or attending the following games:

Tuesday, May 13 - 8:15 @ West Main vs. Country Insurance
Thursday, May 15 - 6:30 @ Memorial vs. Shelter Insurance
Tuesday, May 20 - 8:15 @ West Main vs. Duncan Excavating
Thursday, May 22 - 8:15 @ West Main vs. JT Rockets
Thursday, May 29 - 6:30 @West Main vs. KBS Lending
Sunday, June 1 - 6:00 @ Memorial vs. Classic Gutter Company
Tuesday, June 3 - 6:30 @ West Main vs. The Isotopes (real original simpsons get it)
Thursday, June 5 - 6:30 @ Memorial vs. F.A.C.
Tuesday, June 10 - 6:30 @ West Main vs. JT Rockets
Thursday, June 19 - 8:15 @ Memorial vs. Country Insurance
Tuesday, June 24 - 6:30 @ West Main vs. Shelter Insurance
Thursday, June 26 - 6:30 @ Memorial vs. Duncan Excavating
Thursday, July 3 - 6:30 @ Memorial vs. JT Rockets

Plus there's one more game they're going to schedule at the end based on division records or something. The teams we play twice are in our division. Pretty sure we've played most or all of them in the past. The tournament will be after blahblahblah you've heard it all before.