Games 1 and 2...

...have been "rained" out. If by "rain" you mean "wind". Yes, it's "winding" cats and dogs out there as I gaze upon a lovely sunset and faintly hear the public address of the Kane County Cougars while Len Kasper and Bob Brenly discuss Jason Marquis' shortcomings. Naturally, everyone on Earth gets to play but the unfortunate Batavia Rec Division softball squads fated to clash in Rambone season-opening action.

Naturally, the game would've started with Chad (we won the toss and elected to hit) poking a double in his debut as a leadoff hitter (Murda is currently on a plane to jolly ol' England). DJ would've followed with a screamer nearly beheading the unlucky 3rd base coach that was roughly 300 feet foul, after which he'd ground one just out of reach of a diving shortstop to pick up a quick RBI and a 1-0 Rambone lead. Eschewing a courtesy runner ("shut up, pinhead, I can run"), DJ will nearly be caught on the bases as Scotty ropes what should've been a triple into the gap in left field to put two men in scoring position for Sharlow. Sharlow deposits the first pitch he sees somewhere in the corn field beyond the left field fence (we dispatch Pete to find what's left of the ball, never to hear from him again) and just like that, 4-0 in favor of the 'Bone. I'd step up to the plate, handsome, fearless, and evidently virile and quickly ground out to the 2nd baseman for out number one. Butts would drop a little ducksnort just beyond the first sacker's reach to start the rally again. Special guest star and Original Rambone Member Tom would beat out a slow roller to the third baseman, putting men on 1st and 2nd for the freshly-engaged Evan, who would prove his worth to his fiancee by legging out 2-RBI double to give Rambone a 6-0 lead (too bad said fiancee would miss it all as she was busy reading "101 Wedding Don'ts!!!" in "Drunk & Weird Brides Today"). Butts' teacher buddy would move Evan to third with a wisely strategic grounder to the second baseman, putting Evan on 3rd with two out. Roper would be intentionally walked, because everyone's afraid of Roper for some reason. With men on 1st and 3rd and two out, Mike would ground back to the pitcher, but be called out for passing both Roper and Evan on the basepaths attempting to complete the first inside-the-infield-inside-the-park home run. So, after 1/2 inning, Rambone 6 - Queerbaits 0.

Repeat until slaughter rule scoring limit is achieved. Repeat for game 2. Grabass throughout the land.

So, opening night is now Thursday, May 15 at 7:00 at the launching pad. Unless the grass is too green or the dirt is too dry and they are forced to postpone yet again. You can't hide from Rambone forever, Batavia Park District Softball Recreational Division.